# Helping With Maths Homework When You Hated Maths Author: Rahul Sijwali Author URL: https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/author/rahul-sijwali Published: 2026-09-17 Category: Math For Kids Category URL: https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/category/math-for-kids Meta Title: Helping With Maths Homework If You Hated Maths Meta Description: Research found maths-anxious parents who helped often had children who learned less maths. The fix is not caring less. It is changing how you help. Tags: Parenting Tips, Math for kids, Learn Math, Math Tips for Students, Math Help Tag URLs: Parenting Tips (https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/tag/parenting-tips), Math for kids (https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/tag/math-for-kids), Learn Math (https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/tag/learn-math), Math Tips for Students (https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/tag/math-tips-for-students), Math Help (https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/tag/math-help) URL: https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/helping-with-maths-homework-when-you-hated-maths There is a finding in this area that stops most parents when they hear it, and it is worth leading with because it reframes everything else. A team of researchers led by Erin Maloney, with Gerardo Ramirez, Elizabeth Gunderson, Susan Levine and Sian Beilock, tracked first and second graders across a school year. Children whose parents were anxious about maths learned significantly less maths that year and became more maths-anxious themselves. That is the part people expect. Here is the part they do not. **The effect only appeared when those anxious parents helped frequently with maths homework.** Where maths-anxious parents helped rarely, their children's achievement and attitudes showed no such link. In other words, the harm travelled through the helping. ## What this does not mean Let me close off the wrong conclusion immediately, because it is the obvious one. This is not an argument for stepping back. A child whose parents never touch maths learns something too: that maths is a thing this family does not do, handled by other people elsewhere. That belief is its own long-term cost, and it is harder to undo than a difficult homework session. The finding is narrower and more useful than "help less". It says that when an anxious adult helps often, something in _how_ that help happens is doing damage. Which means the thing to change is the how. After fifteen years around maths teaching and content, I can tell you what that usually looks like at the kitchen table, and none of it is about being bad at maths. ## What actually transmits Children read tone long before they read content. Four things carry more than any explanation you give. **The sigh.** The small exhale when the worksheet comes out. It is involuntary and children catch it every time. Before a single sum has been attempted, the frame is set: this is a thing we endure. **The disclaimer.** "I was never a maths person." Parents say this to be reassuring, meaning it is fine not to be good at this. What a child often hears is that maths ability is a fixed trait you either have or do not, and that theirs is inherited and absent. **The relief.** The visible lightening when it is over. That tells a child the goal was finishing, not understanding, which is precisely the habit that produces students who can complete a worksheet and explain none of it. **The override.** Your child is doing something unfamiliar with a grid or a number line, so you show them the way you were taught. It gets the right answer faster. It also removes the reasoning the method existed to build, and it teaches that their classroom approach is the inferior one. Notice that none of these require you to be wrong about the maths. You can be entirely accurate and still transmit all four. Not sure which level your child should start at? A free trial class with a Codeyoung teacher shows you exactly where they are and what they are ready for next, before you commit to anything. [Book a Free Trial →](https://book-a-demo.codeyoung.com?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=codeyoung&utm_campaign=helping-with-maths-homework-when-you-hated-maths) ## Six things to change tomorrow These are small and unglamorous. They are also the whole intervention. ### 1\. Ask them to teach you their method first Before offering anything, have them show you how they were taught. This does three things at once: it tells you whether they actually understand it, it keeps the classroom method intact, and it puts them in the expert seat rather than you. If their explanation falls apart, you have found the real problem, and it is more useful than a completed worksheet. ### 2\. Say "I do not know this one" out loud Then stay at the table. "I do not know this. Show me what you have tried and let us look at it together." This is the single most valuable sentence in the whole article. It models what capable adults genuinely do when stuck, and it separates not knowing from not coping. Children with a parent who is comfortable not knowing things become students who will raise their hand. ### 3\. Ban the disclaimer Stop saying you were never a maths person. Replace it with something true and less fixed: "I found this hard at school too, and nobody showed me why it worked." That version is honest, it is often accurate, and it locates the problem in the teaching rather than in the bloodline. ### 4\. Wait longer before stepping in Most parents intervene at the first hesitation. The hesitation is the useful part. Let a child try something and get properly stuck before you help. The rule that works: wait until they have attempted something, not until they look uncertain. Rescuing at the moment of uncertainty removes exactly the bit where the learning happens. ### 5\. Ask questions rather than give steps "What do you think the question is asking?" and "what have you got so far?" and "what would happen if you tried it the other way?" keep the work with them. Giving the next step keeps the work with you. This is slower and it feels less helpful. It is the difference between a finished worksheet and a child who can do the next one. ### 6\. Finish on the thinking, not the answer End with "which bit was the tricky part?" rather than "good, done". It signals that the point was the working out, and it gives you information about what to mention to their teacher. ![Infographic showing what transmits maths anxiety from parent to child and what to do instead before, during and after homework](https://prod.superblogcdn.com/site_cuid_clvc4016q001j13bhaleswmt1/images/helping-with-maths-homework-infographic-1789644451847-compressed.png)What transmits, and what to do instead at each stage. ## When the maths is genuinely beyond you At some point it will be, and that point arrives earlier than most parents expect. This is not a failure and it does not require pretending. What helps is separating two jobs that often get bundled together. One is explaining the mathematics. The other is managing the session: keeping it calm, keeping it to a sensible length, noticing when frustration has replaced thinking and stopping. You can do the second job perfectly without being able to do the first. A parent who cannot factorise but who keeps the table calm and the effort honest is contributing more than one who can factorise and sighs. Hand the first job to someone whose actual work it is. That might be the class teacher, an older sibling, or structured support outside school. Our guide to [what to do when your child says they are bad at maths](https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-child-says-they-are-bad-at-math) covers the belief side of this, and [telling whether your child's classes are actually working](https://www.codeyoung.com/blog/is-your-childs-class-working) covers how to judge whether outside help is landing. ## Why this matters more than one homework session The reason I care about the small stuff at the kitchen table is that maths is unusually unforgiving about attitude. Most subjects let a student dislike them and still function. Maths compounds. A child who decides at eight that they are not a maths person avoids it, and avoidance produces exactly the gaps that confirm the belief. By thirteen the belief has evidence, and the evidence was manufactured by the belief. Which is why the research finding lands so hard. The parents in that study were not doing anything careless. They were the ones who sat down and helped, repeatedly, because they cared. The care was never the problem. Change the four signals and keep the care. That is the whole of it. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Can my own maths anxiety really affect my child? Research by Maloney, Ramirez, Gunderson, Levine and Beilock found that children of maths-anxious parents learned less maths across a school year and became more anxious themselves, but only when those parents helped frequently with maths homework. Where anxious parents helped rarely, no such link appeared. ### So should I stop helping altogether? No. Stepping back entirely tells a child that maths is something the family does not do, which carries its own cost. The finding is about frequent help from an anxious parent, not about involvement as such. Changing what you do during those ten minutes matters more than reducing them to zero. ### What exactly transmits the anxiety? Mostly small, unintentional signals: sighing at the worksheet, saying you were never a maths person, showing visible relief when it is finished, or reacting badly to a method that differs from the one you learned. Children read tone long before they read content. ### My child's method looks nothing like how I learned it. What do I do? Ask them to teach you their way before offering yours. Modern methods usually exist to make the underlying idea visible rather than to be awkward. Overriding with your own shortcut often gets the right answer while removing the reasoning the lesson was actually building. ### What should I say when I genuinely cannot do the question? Say so plainly and stay in the room. Something like: I do not know this one, show me what you have tried. That models what capable people actually do when stuck, and it is considerably more useful than either guessing or leaving. Not knowing is not the same as not helping. ### How long should maths homework take before I step in? Let genuine effort run for a while before intervening, because the productive struggle is where the learning happens. A useful rule is to wait until a child has tried something and got stuck, rather than stepping in when they hesitate. Rescue too early and you remove the part that builds the skill. ## What to take from this If maths was not your subject, the instinct is either to overcompensate by helping constantly or to withdraw and leave it to school. The research suggests the first, done anxiously, is the one that costs. The alternative is not less involvement. It is quieter involvement: ask them to teach you, admit what you do not know, wait longer before stepping in, and finish on the thinking rather than the answer. None of that requires you to be good at maths. It requires you to be calm about not being good at maths, in front of someone who is watching closely. Codeyoung runs 1:1 live online classes for children aged 6 to 17, with a teacher who adapts the pace to your child rather than a fixed syllabus. The first class is free, so you can see how they respond before deciding. [Book a Free Trial](https://book-a-demo.codeyoung.com?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=codeyoung&utm_campaign=helping-with-maths-homework-when-you-hated-maths) Source: [University of Chicago on Maloney et al., published in Psychological Science](https://news.uchicago.edu/story/parents-math-anxiety-can-undermine-childrens-math-achievement). ## FAQs Q: Can my own maths anxiety really affect my child? A: Research by Maloney, Ramirez, Gunderson, Levine and Beilock found that children of maths-anxious parents learned less maths across a school year and became more anxious themselves, but only when those parents helped frequently with maths homework. Where anxious parents helped rarely, no such link appeared. Q: So should I stop helping altogether? A: No. Stepping back entirely tells a child that maths is something the family does not do, which carries its own cost. The finding is about frequent help from an anxious parent, not about involvement as such. Changing what you do during those ten minutes matters more than reducing them to zero. Q: What exactly transmits the anxiety? A: Mostly small, unintentional signals: sighing at the worksheet, saying you were never a maths person, showing visible relief when it is finished, or reacting badly to a method that differs from the one you learned. Children read tone long before they read content. Q: My child's method looks nothing like how I learned it. What do I do? A: Ask them to teach you their way before offering yours. Modern methods usually exist to make the underlying idea visible rather than to be awkward. Overriding with your own shortcut often gets the right answer while removing the reasoning the lesson was actually building. Q: What should I say when I genuinely cannot do the question? A: Say so plainly and stay in the room. Something like: I do not know this one, show me what you have tried. That models what capable people actually do when stuck, and it is considerably more useful than either guessing or leaving. Not knowing is not the same as not helping. Q: How long should maths homework take before I step in? A: Let genuine effort run for a while before intervening, because the productive struggle is where the learning happens. A useful rule is to wait until a child has tried something and got stuck, rather than stepping in when they hesitate. Rescue too early and you remove the part that builds the skill. --- This blog is powered by Superblog. Visit https://superblog.ai to know more. ---